I’ve always had a problem figuring out the breaking point of my to-do list.  I seem to thrive when every second of my day is planned working on some project or another, even to the point that I almost feel guilty taking some time for myself to relax.

The same can be said for my new position.  Sure, I was optimistic – I’m a Bill’s fan, I’m built that way.  Sure, I can take on the behavioral kids that need a break from every-day classroom life.  Sure, I can help to teach this kid math – after all, that’s what I’m certified in.  Sure, I can help this kid pass the regents in January, no problem (even though I haven’t even looked at that Regents since I took it).  Sure, I can take on this kid’s problems, and this kid’s problems, and so on and so on. ….wait.  You want me to teach what that period?  But I’m already teaching 2 other subjects that period, and only one of the 3 is something I’m certified in.  But what choice do I have?  I’ve already said yes so many times, how can I possibly start saying no?

I looked up a past post to see what I thought of all of this back in September, when I allowed myself time for reflection and contemplation, and before I got too dizzy to see straight:

“The ALC will temporarily house students that have had behavioral issues in the school, but this center will be a working classroom.  Students will receive academic support for class assignments that need to be done.  In turn, teachers who recommend a student to attend the ALC will provide appropriate assignments for those students to work on while at the ALC.   Students will also receive behavioral support in the forms of Conflict Resolution and Character Education.  Hopefully, this will take a more proactive approach and help the students to own their learning experiences and academic future.” – written on Sept. 9, 2010

The reality of the situation that I have let slowly spiral out of control is that I do not have time to focus on Conflict Resolution and Character Education with my behavioral students.  I cannot fully meet their needs by giving them the attention they’re craving, and what most likely got them in my room in the first place.  But they aren’t the only students this system is cheating.  My instructional students are not getting my full attention.   Even if I had no behavioral students assigned to me on any given day, there are 2 periods in which I am teaching 3 different subjects each.  Five of these 6 subjects I give grades for.  How is that fair to any of these students, who were each assigned to me with the idea that I would be able to give them individualized attention.

I have found myself in a hole that I helped create, and that I don’t even know when it got so deep.

This post is not my cry for help.  This post is not my way of blaming anyone for how things got this way.  This post is merely my way of thinking through the situation.  Of course if anyone has any suggestions or comments, please let me know and I will put them into consideration.  I just ask please for no “I told you so”s.  I already know.